What Is the Fourth Castle?
If you are new to the idea of the fourth castle, you’ll want to check out this article first.
I learned something fascinating while researching for this article. It was like my entire adult life was explained in a few simple paragraphs.
What Is a Subject-Object Shift?
The concept is called the subject-object shift. In short, we are comparing what you were embedded in vs. what you can now hold and examine. Now that may sound a little lofty, so let me give you an example. I guarantee that you’ve already experienced moments like these dozens (if not hundreds) of times in your life.
Remember junior high? At least the parts you didn’t block from your memory? Sure you do.
As adults, we can look back on those days. You can remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. You can dissect it. You literally have objectivity.
When you were in junior high, you were so immersed in it that you couldn’t be objective about it. Like the old saying, “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” This happens to newlyweds, recent college grads, new mothers, 40-somethings — you name it.
On one side of the coin, people let go of these phases for good reasons. You let go of being a newlywed to celebrate your 10-year anniversary. You let go of being a new mom in favor of being a mother of tweens. The same happens when the 40-somethings shed their skins to embrace their marvelous 50s.
On the other side of the coin, people will let go of an identity only when challenged or when something just doesn’t feel right. In short, what used to work for you is no longer working.
Maybe you thought working at a particular company would be the most fulfilling thing ever. And maybe it was at first. And now? Not so much. You start to question your decision to work here.
A subject-object shift happens when something you were once living inside of becomes something you can finally see. What once had you now becomes something you can examine. What once had you now sits in front of you, and this is where things get juicy.
Why Progress Feels Slower Than It Should
As adults, we continue to amass observations and gather insights even when life is difficult. The shift doesn’t happen because things get easier. It happens because something stops making sense the way it used to—and you can no longer ignore it.
When What Once Worked Stops Working
Maybe the job you took at that amazing company is actually still pretty amazing. Sure, the honeymoon phase is over, and office politics rule the day here as much as anywhere else.
However, you keep yourself from falling into old rumination patterns and see something you hadn’t realized until now. It is a lot easier to spread your wings here than in your former company. A little less structure. A little less formality. A lot more room for new ideas.
You take a chance and pitch a couple of ideas to your boss. She likes one of them enough to let you run with it. Now you have your own pet project. This never would have happened at your old company.
The earlier version of you thought just working in the company was good enough, but that soon wore off. You found this new company has its quirks just like any other company. In the middle of this, the new version of you still found a way to make the job suit you. The company didn’t have to change. Your boss didn’t have to change. Policy or expense accounts didn’t have to change. You changed instead.
Why Most People Misread This Moment
Here is where we adults often go wrong. We miss the opportunity staring us right in the face.
When we find ourselves reflecting, it is human nature for these thoughts to go in the wrong direction by complaining, ruminating, or trying to escape the tension. Instead, the gold lies in understanding what it’s revealing. I am not trying to fasten a greeting card to this. What I am asking here is a true skill — one you can develop.
The Opportunity You’re Probably Missing
Often, you don’t need to quit your job. You don’t need to leave your church. You don’t need to stop coaching the soccer team.
The dissatisfaction you feel may not be a sign that something is wrong. It may be a sign that something is shifting—that you are beginning to see what you couldn’t see before. And that means you may be closer to clarity than you think.
Your Fourth Castle Is Closer Than You Think
Your fourth castle — the one that has the foundation to stand — is closer than you think.