I often find it difficult find things to write about, and I marvel at people who are able to crank out thousands of words with reckless abandon. This time, however, I had several new experiences that felt worth capturing and sharing. I had found inspiration and dove into the project. I kept working until I felt I had said everything I wanted to say. I finished it. For the first time in months, I had completed a sizable writing project!
Done. No more writing. No more tweaking. I let the insides of the book sit on the shelf while I worked on promotional items for a few days. My first task was to send my new creation gently out into the world by having a few close friends give it their first read. Keep in mind, I wasn’t angling for testimonials or words of praise.
The voice we used at the start of a project is rarely the voice we have when we finish.
Instead, I asked each recipient to send me one sentence describing what stood out to them. I attached the PDF to the email, but opened it before hitting send. I reread the first chapter just to remind myself of the first impressions my new readers would have.
I was irked.
My opening pages didn’t have the oomph I was hoping for. I was a bit disappointed. My writing voice felt, well, a bit lame. I needed to tweak this a bit more before I ship it. Should I do this? Am I caught in the perfectionism loop? As I thought about this a bit more, I realized we change as writers as we move through a project. The voice we used at the start of a project is rarely the voice we have when we finish. As a result, I read chapter 1 with eyes I developed from writing chapter 5. This explained everything. Rather than rewrite the entire first chapter — and further succumbing to the pull of perfectionism — I corrected a portion of one sentence and set the email on its way.
The short book isn’t perfectly written, but it is good. More importantly, early readers have told me it gave language to experiences they didn’t previously know how to name. That is exactly why I wrote Remaining. I found myself in a season I didn’t know how to describe. I was living it, but I didn’t yet have a way to live within it. Remaining is my story of finding language for a confusing and difficult period of my life—and learning how to stay present without forcing it to resolve.
Remaining – Surviving When Life Won’t Let Up and You Don’t Know How Long It Will Last